Story of My Life
by Pre-Animation Man
Summary: A Pippi & Equestria Girls Songfic


"AUUGH!" Pinkie Pie yelled once he saw the swampland in front of him. "THIS PLACE IS A DUMP!"

"My little buddy Pinkie Pie is right, dude!" Rainbow Dash pointed an accusing finger at Rarity. "It's negatory Tommyimus around here!"

"I dunno," Pippi muttered. "I think this is the kind of territory I'd be used to. Well, aside from the fact that it's slimier than my agent."

Sonata Dusk of the Dazzlings spoke up in her California accent. "Yes, I'll have you know that this is not good real estate."

"The only kind of crime I could fight out here would be the pesky mosquitoes who'd be coming out to sting us! Darn the luck, darn it!" Applejack tried to stomp his foot in the ground repeatedly, but got it stuck pulling it out.

Tommy waved a wad of hundred-dollar bills under Rarity's nose. "Y'know, I've got five hundred bucks here that I might be willing to part with if you'd let us go."

"Sorry, Richie," Rarity got the kid's name wrong. "I don't take bribes."

Tommy fumed at that response. "Why you rassafrassin' personality-deprived jerkface! If we get outta this mess, I'll sue! I'll sue you so badly you won't be able to make another movie again!"

"And I certainly don't take threats either." Rarity made a stern face.

"I can't believe they don't want us on the new MLP G5!" Applebloom griped. "My show was the very reason the original MLP G4! even came into existence in the first place! This banishment is completely unacceptable! And that's not to say that any other form of banishment would be acceptable either."

Rarity looked at the cluster of eccentric creatures before him. "Look, you fellas all read Sander Schwartz's decree..."

"Yeah, yeah, we all read it!" Applebloom answered, and then mockingly recited the decree in question. "All characters from 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic' have been banished from the Discovery Family online network. All characters from the aforementioned shows will be sent to a resettlement facility."

"Some resettlement facility this is!" Twilight whined. "It's all damp and disgusting and ewww! I am so telling on that big meanie who made that order and sent us to this hellhole!"

"What a hack that Schwartz character is!" Babs Seed added. "Hasn't he ever heard of a little thing called 'retirement condos'?"

Fluttershy waved his hand in front of his nose. "Eet smells like butt around here!" he muttered in his German accent. "And believe me, I should know."

Rarity blew a whistle, startling everybody. "All right! When I call your name, step forward. Pinkie Pie and his obnoxious dog."

"HEY, I TAKE UMBRAGE AT THAT, SIR!" Pinkie Pie yelled in his face. "MY DOG FETCH IS A LOT LESS OBNOXIOUS THAN THAT MIDGET PUPPY YOU USED TO HANG OUT WITH!" Then, upon noticing that his yelling had blown Rarity's hair back and made it look like he had a really silly hairdo, he giggled to himself.

Rarity slicked his hair back into its original position. "That's your patch of mud over there."

Pinkie Pie walked over to the patch of mud in question, with his dog Fetch right beside him. As Rarity continued to call out for each of the other characters to step forward, Pinkie Pie set his suitcase down on the hard part of the ground by the mud and sat on the trunk dejectedly. "Aw, dumped in a swamp," he muttered. "Man, I tell ya, Fetch, this being excluded from G4 really sucks balls!"

"Did you have to say 'balls'?" Fetch asked, and then noticed his owner was staring skyward. He knew what that meant - Pinkie Pie was going to sing.

"Life," Pinkie Pie crooned,"is disappointing.  
Woe is how I feel!  
They claimed my show blows,  
That's just how it goes,  
For my poor dog and me.

"Story of my life!  
Always doomed to fail.  
Replaced by 'Pokmon',  
Unable to prevail.  
That's the story of my life, oh yeah!  
That's the story of my life!"

Close behind, Rarity continued to call out the characters' names. "Applebloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle, take your spot over there by that tree."

Applebloom and his siblings, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle, ran for the tree being pointed at and climbed all the way to the top of it. "How's this?" Scootaloo called from up there.

"No, that's too far!" Rarity called up at them.

The CMC and their sister immediately scurried down the tree and clinged themselves on to Rarity, with Sweetie Belle sitting on his right shoulder. "Are you sure about that?" she asked seductively.

Rarity grimaced. "Now you're too close."

The trio headed right back to the tree and sat down at the root of it.

"Ah, just right!" Rarity smiled.

"Fine," said Applebloom, "but we'd still prefer to live in the tree."

Cheese Sandwich, Pinkie Pie's boyfriend, walked over to where her boyfriend was and sat down beside him on his suitcase, joining in on his song. "I am so not happy."

"The Dazzlings!" Rarity yelled out.

Adagio Dazzle, the Dazzlings' leader, stepped out in front of his teammates and got down on one foot. "Banished from the lot!"

"Pippi!" Rarity booted the green duck in.

Pippi begrudgingly walked into the wetland, rubbing his posterior. "They dragged me out with scorn."

Miss Information held up what remained of her Pinkie Pie. "They broke my poor bullhorn."

Diamond Tiara and the Silver Spoon popped out of hiding from Miss Info's broken Pinkie Pie. "They threw our lab cage out!"

"Mash Buttons!" Rarity called out.

Mash Buttons walked by him. "Life," she sang,"is such a witch-hunt."

Sweetie Belle got up and stood in front of her brothers. "They used to know I'm cute,  
But now I got the boot."

"They ridiculed my hat." Scootaloo pulled down on his headgear.

"They said that I was fat!" Sunset Shimmer pouted.

Flash Sentry drove his palm across his upper brow. "They towed away the Carmobile  
And called me a freaky blue-skinned heel!"

"Mary Melody!" As Rarity kept calling the characters into the swamp, they all joined together to sing the song that Pinkie Pie had started.

"Story of my life!  
Booted from the block!  
Told to go away!"

"Blast and darn the luck!" Applejack cursed in rhythm.

"That's the story of my life!"

As they continued with the song, Annika came running up behind them, looking rather panicked. Twilight looked down at him. "You're late, Annika!"

Annika shrugged. "That's the story of my life."

Twilight shoved the rich girl in with the rest of the cast. "Have fun, you guys!"

"That's the story of my liiiiife!" they all sang.

"And remember," Twilight reprimanded, "if we find you back on G5!, you will be erased! Hahahahahaha!" He laughed heartlessly as he headed back to the vehicle with Flash.

As soon as Twilight had left the scene, the crowd of characters all gathered up in a long chorus line and sang in unison: "I always dreamed I'd get a happy ending..."

Cheese Sandwich sang out another solo line, her hand on her heart and her other arm around Pinkie Pie's neck. "And this right here's not how it goes!"

"I always dreamed I'd get an ever after." The whole lot of them crooned.  
"If this is it,  
It blows!  
It blows!  
It blows!"

"This is worse than that time Joseph Stalin tried to send me to the gulag!" Pinkie Pie shouted out amongst everyone.

They all started dancing as they continued with the song. "Story of my life!  
All the wasted prayers!  
All the broken dreams!"

Applebloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle jumped out of the large group and stood in a different spot from the rest of them. "All the torn-out hairs!"

"All the damage done!" sang the rest of the group.

"All the madcap jests!" the CMC sang.

"All the shattered falls!" everyone else sang.

"And our tower's repossessed!" the CMCs lamented the current condition of their former living quarters.

The whole cast then regrouped to form a chorus line again. "That's the story of my life, yes sir!  
That's the story of my life, oy vey!  
That's the story of my..."  
And as they let the last few notes of the song play, most of the whole lot of them took a few steps back and came together to make their own finishing poses as they belted out the last word of the song.  
"Liiiiiiiiife!"

As everyone else was delivering the big finish to this musical number, Pinkie Pie looked down as Cheese Sandwich sorrowfully buried her head on his shoulder, and he decided to further express his discontent for this situation by shouting out one more word that he knew was fitting to describe it.

"Done"

THE END


End file.
